Blog Profile / The Onion
| URL : | http://www.theonion.com | |
|---|---|---|
| Filed Under: | Entertainment / Humor | |
| Posts on Regator: | 9680 | |
| Posts / Week: | 36.1 | |
| Archived Since: | April 2, 2008 | |
Blog Post Archive
Obnoxious Friend Won't Stop Attaining Major Life Milestones
ALEXANDRIA, VA—Annoyed sources confirmed this week that married and pregnant local woman Ashley Canfield will not stop achieving significant life milestones, unanimously agreeing that the 30-year-old law school graduate seriously needs to just cool...
Your Horoscopes – Week Of March 5, 2013
Aries The stars don’t understand how you can sleep at night after everything that you’ve done, though they’re mostly just referring to all the napping. Taurus Remember: Some people were put on this ear...
American Voices: Sharks At Risk Of Extinction From Overfishing
According to a new ecological report, nearly 100 million sharks are killed each year by humans, driven in large part by Asian nations’ demand for shark fin soup, and many species could be fished to extinction within decades unless new protections ar...
$52 Million Guaranteed Wasted
$52 Million Guaranteed Wasted
Giant Hole Swallowing Up Your House Added To List Of Things To Worry About
SEFFNER, FL—Following a Florida man’s sudden death last week after his bedroom collapsed into a 20-foot-wide sinkhole, the possibility of a giant cavity in the earth opening up and swallowing your entire house has now reportedly been added to...
Slideshow: 10 Most OMG Adorable Animals
10 Most OMG Adorable Animals
American Voices: Baby Cured Of HIV
After being placed on antiretroviral medications beginning 30 hours after its birth, a child born HIV positive was found to be completely free of the disease two and a half years later, offering hope for a potential cure for the roughly 330,000 infants bo...
Boyfriend Forced To Express Secondhand Outrage
GREENSBORO, NC—According to sources, local boyfriend Martin Daniels was compelled to display secondhand outrage Monday as his girlfriend, Linzi Rosario, vented about a recent incident in which a coworker behaved inconsiderately toward her.
Child Who Just Lost Balloon Begins Lifelong Battle With Depression
SAN DIEGO—Shortly after losing grip of a helium-filled balloon and watching it float into the air above the San Diego Zoo Tuesday, local child Caleb Tremont, 3, reportedly began a battle with chronic depression that will last for the rest of his lif...
Infographic: Dr. Seuss' Lesser-Known Titles
The late Theodor Seuss Geisel, known to generations of fans as children’s author and illustrator Dr.
Editorial Cartoon: You've Got Fail
You've Got Fail
American Voices: Rats’ Brains Connected Via Internet
Creating the first ever brain-to-brain interface, scientists have connected the brains of lab rats via Internet cables, allowing the animals to communicate motor information to one another even when they’re thousands of miles apart.
Battle Of Wits With Unwieldy Burrito Nears Thrilling Endgame
Battle Of Wits With Unwieldy Burrito Nears Thrilling Endgame
Sacramento Kings Perfectly Execute Throw-Ball-Out-Of-Bounds Play
SAN ANTONIO—Performing with rare efficiency and startling precision, the otherwise struggling Sacramento Kings perfectly executed their offense against the Spurs Friday, when the team ran a flawless throw-the-ball-out-of-bounds play...
New Study Finds 'The Onion' Has Never Been More Popular, More Beloved, Or More Respected
WASHINGTON—Following one of the finest and most widely praised weeks in the history of The Onion, a new study published today found that the trusted news outlet has never been more popular, more admired, or more respected among Americans, wit...
Opinion: Look, It’s Come Down To This: Either I Have To Murder John Boehner Or He Has To Murder Me (by Barack Obama)
By Barack Obama, 44th President of the United States
American Voices: Dennis Rodman Calls Kim Jong-Un 'Awesome Guy'
During a goodwill trip to North Korea, former NBA star Dennis Rodman was seen palling around with the country’s leader Kim Jong-un, whom Rodman called a “friend for life,” while also praising Kim’s father and grandfather, Kim Jong-....
Sportsgraphic: NFL's Top 2013 Free Agents
With the NFL free agency period starting on March 12, teams are expected to once again dole out huge contracts.
Magazine: 3 Cool Lighters We Found At Our Uncle's House
3 Cool Lighters We Found At Our Uncle's House
Netflix Sends Message To Check If Area Man Okay After Watching Entire Season Of ‘Sons Of Anarchy’ In Single Sitting
CLARKSBURG, WV—Video-streaming service Netflix reportedly checked in on local customer Shane Fowler late Tuesday after a marathon viewing session in which the 31-year-old watched the entire third season of the TV series Sons Of Anarchy in one...