Blog Profile / The Onion

Filed Under:Humor
Posts on Regator:4386
Posts / Week:11.6
Archived Since:April 2, 2008

Blog Post Archive

American Voices: Sony Demands That Spider-Man Be Straight, White

last weekHumor : The Onion

According to newly released documents from the ongoing Sony leak, a legal agreement between Sony Pictures and Marvel Entertainment declares that in all movies, the character Spider-Man must be white and straight. What do you think?

Commentary: The Only Way To Get Over Your Fear Of The Moon Is To Walk On It

last weekHumor : The Onion

It’s okay to be afraid sometimes. It’s a completely natural feeling that all of us experience. But we can’t let fear dominate our lives. In my case, when it came to the one thing that scared me the most—that single fear that tormented me nearly every day—I knew the problem would only get worse unless I confronted it head-on. Show More Summary

Tech Trends: Study: Employees Happiest When Pretending To Work From Home

last weekHumor : The Onion

A new study from IBM says that simply letting employees pretend to work from home keeps them satisified and happy on the job.

News in Brief: Mom Recommends Previously Unheard-Of Form Of Transportation Son Could Take To Get Home

last weekHumor : The Onion

ST. PAUL, MN—Mentioning that there were some great deals on weekend round trips right now, local mother Carolyn Lynch reportedly recommended a previously unheard-of form of transportation Tuesday that her son could take to travel home. Show More Summary

News in Brief: Black Man In Support Of Confederate Flag Triples His Media Appearance Rates

2 weeks agoHumor : The Onion

COLUMBIA, SC—Saying that his services had never been more in demand, Andrew Lewis, a local black man who supports flying the Confederate flag, announced plans Monday to triple his media appearance rates. “My phone’s been ringing offShow More Summary

News in Brief: Jeb Bush Surprised How Easily Stance On Confederate Flag Set Him Apart From Other Republican Candidates

2 weeks agoHumor : The Onion

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Expressing satisfaction with the unexpected bump in his polling numbers, Republican presidential candidate Jeb Bush confirmed Monday that he was astonished by how easily his stance on removing the Confederate flag from the South Carolina Capitol set him apart from the rest of the GOP field. Show More Summary

News in Brief: South Carolina Refuses To Remove Confederate Flag From Capitol Trailer

2 weeks agoHumor : The Onion

COLUMBIA, SC—Shooing away protesters from the brown, debris-covered lawn, state lawmakers reportedly refused Monday to remove the Confederate flag from South Carolina’s Capitol Trailer. “Go on, git!” said shirtless South Carolina state...Show More Summary

American Voices: Etsy Bans Sale Of Metaphysical Items

2 weeks agoHumor : The Onion

In an effort to protect buyers from products that don’t do what they say they do, online marketplace Etsy has instituted a new policy banning spells, hexes, potions, and “[a]ny metaphysical service that promises or suggests it will effect a physical change (e.g., weight loss) or other outcome (e.g., love, revenge).” What do you think?

News: Mentor To Younger Women In Company Lets Herself Knock One Down Once In A While As Treat

2 weeks agoHumor : The Onion

NEW YORK—While she regularly offers guidance to younger women as they make their way in an industry largely dominated by men, Colleen Miller of tech firm Roltronix told reporters Tuesday she also enjoys knocking one or two down from time to time, just as a treat to herself. Show More Summary

News in Brief: Report: Biggest Parenting Fear Remains Losing Child In High-Stakes Poker Tournament

2 weeks agoHumor : The Onion

NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ—Saying the terrifying scenario plays out in a typical mother or father’s mind several times per day, a report released Monday by researchers at Rutgers University revealed that losing a child in a high-stakes underground poker tournament remains Americans’ biggest parenting fear. Show More Summary

News in Brief: Comic Book Fans Adamant That Human Torch Be Played By Actor Whose Body Actually Engulfed In Flames

2 weeks agoHumor : The Onion

WASHINGTON—Expressing their frustration with the casting for the new Fantastic Four film, comic book fans across the country were reportedly adamant Monday that the superhero the Human Torch should be played by an actor who is actually engulfed in flames. Show More Summary

News in Brief: Ungrateful Man Just Up And Dies After Everything Insurance Company Has Done For Him

2 weeks agoHumor : The Onion

HARTFORD, CT—After his health insurance provider selflessly paid dozens of claims, covered no fewer than five generic drug prescriptions, and fielded his near-daily phone calls, ungrateful policy member Samuel Clifton, 59, had the temerity to just up and die Monday without so much as a word of explanation, sources reported. Show More Summary

American Voices: Study: Cat Videos Boost Energy, Positive Emotion

2 weeks agoHumor : The Onion

According to a study of 7,000 internet users, watching cat videos online gives people more energy and makes them feel happier and more positive. What do you think?

News in Brief: God Admits He Too Close To Creation To Judge Whether It Any Good Or Not

2 weeks agoHumor : The Onion

THE HEAVENS—Saying that His opinion of the heavens and the earth seems to change every time He looks at them, The Lord Our God, Supreme Ruler of the Universe, admitted Monday that He is simply too close to His divine creation to judge whether it’s any good or not. Show More Summary

American Voices: Walmart Moves Greeters Back To Front Of Stores

2 weeks agoHumor : The Onion

In an effort to deter shoplifters and boost what it calls “door presence,” Walmart has decided to move greeters back to the front of stores instead of having them multitask by performing other duties, like tidying shelves and opening registers. What do you think?

News in Brief: Report: 98% Of German Sexual Intercourse Uploaded To Pornhub

2 weeks agoHumor : The Onion

GAINESVILLE, FL—According to a report released Friday by researchers at the University of Florida College of Public Health, 98 percent of all sexual intercourse in Germany is recorded and uploaded to the pornographic video–sharing website Pornhub. Show More Summary

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