Blog Profile / The Onion

Filed Under:Humor
Posts on Regator:5668
Posts / Week:13.8
Archived Since:April 2, 2008

Blog Post Archive

American Voices: Teacher Wins ‘Fifty Shades Of Grey’ Lawsuit

last weekHumor : The Onion

Texas educator Jennifer Pedroza was awarded $11.5 million in a lawsuit claiming that as an employee of Writer’s Coffee Shop, the original publisher of Fifty Shades Of Grey, Pedroza was defrauded of royalties from the erotic novel’s subsequent success. What do you think?

American Voices: New Barbie Released In Curvy, Petite Forms

last weekHumor : The Onion

With sales on the decline since 2012, Mattel has announced a sweeping redesign of the latest Barbie dolls, which in addition to the classic slender version will now be sold in tall, curvy, and petite sizes for the first time. What do you think?

News in Brief: Grandmother Palms Grandson $10 Like She Fixing Boxing Match

last weekHumor : The Onion

NEW BEDFORD, MA—Waiting until her daughter and son-in-law were occupied getting drinks in the kitchen following a family dinner at her home Sunday, local grandmother Ellen Sullivan, 72, is said to have palmed her 11-year-old grandson Jason Tucci $10 like she was fixing a heavyweight boxing match. Show More Summary

News in Brief: God Admits He Was In Pretty Bad Place While Creating Universe

last weekHumor : The Onion

THE HEAVENS—Saying He was dealing with a lot of stuff at the time, God Almighty, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, admitted to reporters Monday that He was in a pretty bad place when He created the universe. “To be honest, it’s kind of hard...Show More Summary

Infographic: How The Iowa Caucuses Work

last weekHumor : The Onion

The votes cast in the Iowa caucuses on Monday night mark the official beginning of the 2016 election season, but the specifics of the state’s selection process can be confusing to voters who don’t live there. Here, The Onion answersShow More Summary

News in Brief: Corporation Wants Media Company Making Branded Entertainment To Just Have Fun With It

last weekHumor : The Onion

LOS ANGELES—Saying they wanted the editorial staff at online media company Insightable to be creative and really play around with it, representatives from Suncoast Snackfoods reportedly emphasized Monday that, when creating the corporation’s new branded entertainment, the digital publisher should just have fun with the whole thing. Show More Summary

American Voices: White Actor Cast As Michael Jackson In Upcoming Film

last weekHumor : The Onion

Controversy has surrounded the casting of white actor Joseph Fiennes as Michael Jackson in the upcoming comedy Elizabeth, Michael & Marlon, a film based on the allegedly true story of Michael Jackson leaving New York City with Elizabeth Taylor and Marlon Brando after the 9/11 attacks. What do you think?

News in Brief: Clinton Ominously Tells Iowan Supporters To Mark Front Doors With Campaign Logo Before Sundown

last weekHumor : The Onion

DES MOINES, IA—Declaring that all voting-age citizens who took the measures would be spared, Hillary Clinton ominously instructed her supporters throughout Iowa to mark their front doors with her campaign logo before sundown, sources confirmed Sunday. Show More Summary

News in Brief: ‘Please Hold While I Send You Through To Mr. Gilmore,’ Says Jim Gilmore Inside Empty Campaign Office

last weekHumor : The Onion

DES MOINES, IA—Sitting by himself behind a computer desk in an otherwise empty rented office space, former Virginia governor and current Republican presidential candidate Jim Gilmore reportedly answered a phone call Friday by raising his voice to a high-pitched vocal register and asking the caller to hold while he transferred them to Mr. Show More Summary

American Voices: Jets Cheerleaders Awarded $325,000 In Settlement

last weekHumor : The Onion

The New York Jets have paid the team’s cheerleaders $325,000 after a class-action lawsuit was filed over low wages, with plaintiffs claiming they only made $150 per game and were compensated for neither practice time nor expenses, all of which averaged out to $1.50 per hour. What do you think?

News in Brief: Iowan Comforts Sobbing Jeb Bush At Town Hall

last weekHumor : The Onion

DES MOINES, IA—Slowly approaching the distraught, trembling presidential candidate before embracing him in a gentle hug, 42-year-old single mother Holly Sullivan comforted a sobbing Jeb Bush during a town hall forum, sources confirmed Friday. Show More Summary

News in Brief: Retreating Clinton Campaign Torches Iowa Town To Slow Advance Of Sanders Volunteers

last weekHumor : The Onion

HUMBOLDT, IA—After making sure to douse every home, farm, and business located in the municipality with gasoline, retreating Clinton campaign staffers reportedly set the central Iowa town of Humboldt ablaze Friday to stem the advance of Bernie Sanders volunteers. Show More Summary

News: Dazed Marco Rubio Wakes Up In Koch Compound To Find Cold Metal Device Installed Behind Ear

last weekHumor : The Onion

UNKNOWN LOCATION—The brightly lit, stark-white room gradually coming into focus as he regained consciousness, GOP presidential candidate Marco Rubio reportedly awoke in the Koch brothers’ secret compound Thursday and reached suddenly to his throbbing head to discover a cold metal device implanted behind his left ear. Show More Summary

News in Brief: Area Man’s Back Aching After Bad Night’s Sleep, 58 Continuous Years Of Horrible Posture

last weekHumor : The Onion

SHELBYVILLE, KY—Having noticed him wincing and letting out low groans each time he stood up, sources confirmed that local man Joel Braley’s back was really bothering him Friday following a poor night’s sleep and 58 continuous years of terrible posture. Show More Summary

American Voices: Security Experts Warn Against Smart Appliances

last weekHumor : The Onion

Experts at a cybersecurity summit in London warned consumers this week against the proliferation of “smart” home appliances such as refrigerators and toasters, explaining that this unregulated access to one’s personal information could be a target for hackers. What do you think?

American Voices: Google Algorithm Beats Board Game Champion

last weekHumor : The Onion

An algorithm designed by Google’s DeepMind artificial intelligence division has conquered the reigning champion of the board game Go, a feat that Facebook claims its own AI division is also close to achieving. What do you think?

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