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Blog Profile / The Superficial


URL :http://thesuperficial.com
Filed Under:Pop Culture / Celebrity
Posts on Regator:13403
Posts / Week:40.6
Archived Since:April 22, 2008

Blog Post Archive

Michael Jackson Threatened Maids With ‘Doo-Doo Snowballs’: A Serious Internet Report

While the rest of the world continues to mourn the tragic loss of Robin Williams, it falls on my journalistic shoulders to keep the Internet spinning by chronicling Michael Jackson‘s use of weaponized poop. I have a responsibility, dammit! The New York Post reports: Neverland’s manicured lawns and fairy-tale facade masked a house of horrors Read More...

Good Morning, Lisa Opie & Ana Braga Bikini Photos, And Other News

- James Franco is a blonde douchebag now. - Which apparently is how Kanye prefers Kim. Penis, too, probably. - The Minx In The Red Wet Dress is Valeria Orsini - Selena Gomez‘s Teen Choice Awards speech was a little weird. - Ariana Grande‘s brother is a shitbag. Read More...

Robin Williams Committed Suicide (1951 – 2014)

Legendary actor/comedian Robin Williams was just found dead in his home where he reportedly committed suicide. He was 63. TMZ reports: According to the Marin County Sheriff’s Office … authorities found William’s body inside his home. They say he was found unresponsive. He was unconscious and not breathing and the coroner suspects suicide due to Read More...

The Crap We Missed – Monday 8.11.14

Welcome to Monday’s The Crap We Missed, coming at you from a three-day that didn’t start with me watching my childhood get CGI’d in the nuts, so it’s from a good place. That’s probably why I decided to fill it with uplifting images like Joe Jonas and Antonio Banderas both handling their failed relationships remarkably Read More...

Paris Hilton Makes $347,000/Hour To Press Play

In a world where Kim Kardashian‘s app makes $85 million and Michael Bay movies dominate the box office, it really shouldn’t come as a surprise that Paris Hilton makes over six times the median yearly salary in the US in just one hour for pressing play. Page Six reports: The 33-year-old hotel heiress has been Read More...

Michael Bay Should Only Do This, Nothing But This

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles might be a childhood-raping CGI abortion that already made enough money to greenlight a sequel because you people are the fucking devil except here’s Michael Bay proving he still serves a purpose in this world and that purpose is Victoria’s Secret commercials. Sure, any idiot can point a camera at hot Read More...

Tony Stewart Not Facing Criminal Charges For Killing Kevin Ward

If you were on Facebook or Twitter for at least 30 seconds yesterday, then you probably caught wind that NASCAR driver Tony Stewart killed 20-year-old Kevin Ward during a sprint car race Saturday night in New York. The very basic information is that Stewart caused Ward to crash – as rednecks tell me is his Read More...

Miley Cyrus Stole Nicki Minaj’s Butt And Made It White (Yup)

A while back there was a quietly brushed under the rug shitstorm about Miley Cyrus appropriating black culture, so here she is stealing a black woman’s body and Photoshopping it white which should put all of that to bed. Because if there’s one way to truly a respect a race, it’s essentially saying it’d look Read More...

The 2014 Teen Choice Awards

Someone just spotted Kim Kardashian. I’ve grown old enough where I’ve forgotten what it’s like to be a teenager and now hate them for their youthful vigor and freedom to make stupid choices with abandon. Case in point: I once drove an hour to the nearest Best Buy to buy Limp Bizkit’s Significant Other. A Read More...

Amy Willerton Is Topless And Other News

- Kristen Stewart is still bitching about being famous. - Sinead O’Connor thinks Justin Bieber is sexually exploited. Run, Usher! She knows! - There Are Sexy Chivers Among Us - Julia Roberts is talking shit about Halle Berry. - If Ryan Gosling didn’t know Jane Fonda wants him to eat Read More...

Michael Bay Is The Antichrist: A Review of ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’

Last week, I missed a significant chunk of Guardians of The Galaxy thanks to pure death violently escaping my body. And yet what I did get to see in a fevered, anxious fugue was still light years beyond Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in every possible way. If Guardians was a throwback to classic 80s adventures Read More...

The Most Important People on The Internet: Volume 4.21

So good news: I survived Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles without vital organs sloughing out of my butt. However, the loss of my time along with subsequent brain damage will affect every man, woman, and child on the planet. Or just the ones following me on Twitter. Anyway, to make up for a light day while Read More...

Sylvie van der Vaart In A Bikini Is The Crap I Missed

Alright, folks, Photo Boy’s on vacation, so I’ve been flying/scrambling solo today and have to catch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles shortly. Hopefully, I’ll dodge the same fate as my attempt to review Guardians of The Galaxy (which I still haven’t seen again yet), but I’m pretty sure I’ll be fine because I have zero interest Read More...

Kate Upton Won’t Get Naked And It’s Your Fault

In a new interview with Details, Kate Upton reveals why she’ll never pose naked, and it’s because of jerks already putting photos of her all over the Internet for people to get boners from them which apparently isn’t “art” even though I ritualistically paint my penis in the style of Gustav Klimt every morning before Read More...

Kourtney Kardashian: ‘Hi, Mom, I Look Better Than You Naked’

As part of Throwback Thursday, the digital equivalent of going over to someone’s house and having them pull out the slide projector, Kourtney Kardashian posted a naked picture from her first pregnancy next to the topless pic of Kris Jenner that she thought would make a wonderful birthday present for Rob, so it really is Read More...

Guys, I Think Megan Fox Wants To Bang Shia LaBeouf Again

Earlier in the week, Megan Fox made it a point to let the world know she’s not having sex with Brian Austin Green. On top of that, she made a passive aggressive jab that he wants more kids because “he doesn’t have to do any of the work” and then followed that up by naming Read More...

Good Morning, Michelle Rodriguez, And Other News

- Captain America made Batman flinch. - Blake Lively won’t let Martha Stewart stop her, so someone should probably tell her about the drone. - Hot Girls With Messy Rooms - Oh, good, James Franco and Lana Del Rey were in the same room. Wonderful. - New Teacher Shows Up Read More...

The Crap We Missed – Thursday 8.7.14

Alright guys, this is going to be your last The Crap We Missed for the week, because I’m going to be stuck giving depositions to Chloe Moretz and Madonna‘s lawyers all day taking a personal day tomorrow, so hopefully this gallery can hold you over. It’s the usual rich stew of way too many butt Read More...

Lourdes Leon Is Still In A BIkini And No Madonna Vagina Selfie This Time, Promise

“If I turn off the lights and say your mom’s name three times into a mirror, she smears blood all over the walls.” “Yeah, she does that.” On top of stimulating serious discussions on race relations in America, I also like to post bikini photos of celebrities’ daughters because I’ll go to my grave saying Read More...

And Now Floyd Mayweather Jr. Getting Bathed By His Hot Assistant

Earlier today, we read about Kanye West equating the plight of modern celebrities with blacks in the 1960s, so to drive that point home, here’s Floyd Mayweather Jr. getting bathed by his assistant because, and I quote, “This is how I get my day started, everyday. – MR. MY LIFE IS THE SHT.” It’s practically Read More...

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