Blog Profile / Waiter Rant

Filed Under:Customer Service / Food Service
Posts on Regator:85
Posts / Week:0.2
Archived Since:December 20, 2008

Blog Post Archive

A Man’s Got to Know His Limitations

I’m at the Laundromat with my daughter washing her clothes. As Natalie sits in her car seat playing with her doll, I think for the hundredth time how I have to buy a house. My own washer and dryer would … Continue reading ?


I’m driving to work when my wife calls me on my cellphone. Answering using the hands free gizmo my car is immediately filled with the wails of a crying baby. “Natalie burned herself,” my wife says, choking back tears. “How?” … Continue reading ?

Burn and Rave

I’ve been floated up to the geriatric psych ward and I’m not happy. When I was younger I didn’t sweat working with old people. Back then old age and death seemed impossibly far away. Now, with my fiftieth birthday in … Continue reading ?

Mean Little Spaces

It’s five-thirty and I’ve just finished the lovely sandwich my wife made for me when Hakim sticks his head in the break room. “Can you do me a favor?” the young nurse asks. “Sure.” “You know that new patient in … Continue reading ?

Zombies and Tacos

If you’ve ever waited tables, at some point in your nocturnal life, you’ve had a “waiter dream.” These nightmares usually share common thematic elements; you’ve got a hundred customers who all hate you, the restaurant’s layout is bizarrely different, the … Continue reading ?

Halloween Isn’t What It Used To Be

Having a baby has made 2014 a year of firsts so, when Halloween rolls around, my wife and I get into gear. After dressing Natalie up as Snow White we run over to an arts and crafts store, hit up … Continue reading ?

Mischief Night

I’m on the checkout line in the supermarket when a teenaged boy comes up to me with an extra large carton of eggs. “Excuse me, sir.” he says. “Could you buy these eggs for me?” My shopping cart is loaded … Continue reading ?

The Fires of Hell

“Stephen, dear,” Connie says. “Please refill my ice water.” I don’t even look up from my chart.  “Connie, the water machine is right over there. You’re perfectly capable of getting it.” “I’m too old. Be a nice young man and … Continue reading ?

Coffee,Tea and Pills

It’s 7:00 PM and I’m tired so I go into the staff room and brew a pot of coffee. Within minutes the smells of java fills the nurse’s station. Normally I take it black but, as I’ve gotten older, I … Continue reading ?


I’ve got the baby all to myself and a Nor’Easter is blowing outside. If I don’t take Natalie outside for a walk she won’t take a nap. That means Daddy won’t get a nap. Not good. When there’s a lull … Continue reading ?

Brunch Is for Jerks?

A couple of days ago a friend of mine, an avowed foodie, texted the above picture to my cell phone. “I disagree,” I wrote back. “As do I,” he replied. “Sometimes that’s my only meal!” I like brunch, but brunch … Continue reading ?


My wife’s friend’s son is missing. Please keep and eye out for him. Information can be found here.

Clouds of Unknowing

I’m in the break room writing my notes while my coworker Jorge fiddles with his iPhone. “Check this shit out,” he says. I look up from my paperwork. My younger colleagues are very enamored with their smartphones. “What?” I say. … Continue reading ?


Waiter Rant is ten years old today. If you told me when I wrote that first post that it would lead to book deals, the NYT Bestseller List, Oprah, The Today Show and hundreds of radio and print interviews I … Continue reading ?

Nice Guy

It’s a cold December night and I’m taking my co-worker Tamisha home. She missed her bus and I don’t want her waiting at a bus stop freezing and alone. What can I say? I’m a nice guy. “You sure you … Continue reading ?

The Greatest Casualty

It’s 10:00 PM and I’m sitting in the day room of the psych unit writing my patient notes. Because the hospital’s somewhat antediluvian, I have to scribble them out by hand. Unfortunately a Medicare auditor recently complained she couldn’t read … Continue reading ?


I’m driving down a busy street when Natalie starts screaming. At this point I’ve discovered my daughter’s wailing doesn’t always constitute an emergency so I keep going. But when her cries hit migraine inducing decibel levels I start to worry. … Continue reading ?

Middle Aged Grump

It’s Saturday afternoon when I pull into the drive-thru of my local Burger King with my baby in tow.  Not the best nutritional choice, I know, but Natalie’s been a hot mess all morning and I haven’t eaten a morsel. … Continue readin...

Nobody Fucks With Us

It’s twenty-four hours after my daughter was born and our hospital room is filled with balloons, stuffed animals and well wishers coming to see that yes, I had finally managed to reproduce. As Annie basks in her new mother glory … Continue reading ?

Natalie Marie Dublanica

Born January 16th at 8:06 PM. 7 pounds, 13 ounces and twenty inches long. Home now and running quite the sleep deficit. Mother and baby doing well.

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