Blog Profile / Waiter Rant

Filed Under:Customer Service / Food Service
Posts on Regator:93
Posts / Week:0.3
Archived Since:December 20, 2008

Blog Post Archive

Shogun of Suds

I’m forty-seven years old and I’ve never owned a washing machine. Once I moved out of my parents’ house life was one Laundromat after another. When I think of all the quarters I dropped into washing machines of dubious sanitary quality I probably could’ve bought The post Shogun of Suds appeared first on Waiter Rant.

Beyond Confusion

Last Saturday night my wife and I sent our daughter to her grandmother’s and went to a nice restaurant for dinner. It was the kind of place where you can drop a hundred bucks in a few bites. Now that we’re homeowners Annie and I The post Beyond Confusion appeared first on Waiter Rant.

Nature & Grace

A couple of days ago I was in a horrible mood. Overwhelmed and angry, I felt like the world was conspiring against me. It wasn’t of course, but if you had tried pointing out my delusional thinking I would’ve ripped your head off. Just as The post Nature & Grace appeared first on Waiter Rant.


When I saw that picture of the little Syrian boy lying dead on the beach I burst into tears. I wanted to write something about the Syrian refugee crisis but failed. The photo says it all. (Caution: Disturbing image) That picture is a silent scream. The post Scream appeared first on Waiter Rant.

How Waiting Tables Prepares You for Baby’s First Month

(This is a guest post written by Matt Abraham. If you’ve ever waited tables and have children, you’ll relate. Enjoy!) I was terrified when I had my kid four weeks ago. He was tiny and fragile, screaming and shaking, and all I knew was that The post How Waiting Tables Prepares You for Baby’s First Month appeared first on Waiter Rant.

New & Different

I lived in my old apartment for twelve years. Intimate with every corner and creaking board I could walk through it blindfolded. I knew the sounds the building made, how it smelled and where the light and shadows fell. Familiar … Continue reading ?

The Sewing Machine

When my wife moved into my apartment three and a half years ago I said to my mother, “If we survive this process we’ll probably get married.” Whenever two people begin the nitty-gritty process of becoming a couple the sparks … Continue reading ?

The Tree of Life

“The answer is no.” “What’s your problem?” my wife said, exasperated. “This house is great!” “The oil tank’s rusted, the yard will flood, the layout is weird, and the kitchen’s from the 70’s. Besides the school system sucks.” The realtor … Continue reading ?

A Man’s Got to Know His Limitations

I’m at the Laundromat with my daughter washing her clothes. As Natalie sits in her car seat playing with her doll, I think for the hundredth time how I have to buy a house. My own washer and dryer would … Continue reading ?


I’m driving to work when my wife calls me on my cellphone. Answering using the hands free gizmo my car is immediately filled with the wails of a crying baby. “Natalie burned herself,” my wife says, choking back tears. “How?” … Continue reading ?

Burn and Rave

I’ve been floated up to the geriatric psych ward and I’m not happy. When I was younger I didn’t sweat working with old people. Back then old age and death seemed impossibly far away. Now, with my fiftieth birthday in … Continue reading ?

Mean Little Spaces

It’s five-thirty and I’ve just finished the lovely sandwich my wife made for me when Hakim sticks his head in the break room. “Can you do me a favor?” the young nurse asks. “Sure.” “You know that new patient in … Continue reading ?

Zombies and Tacos

If you’ve ever waited tables, at some point in your nocturnal life, you’ve had a “waiter dream.” These nightmares usually share common thematic elements; you’ve got a hundred customers who all hate you, the restaurant’s layout is bizarrely different, the … Continue reading ?

Halloween Isn’t What It Used To Be

Having a baby has made 2014 a year of firsts so, when Halloween rolls around, my wife and I get into gear. After dressing Natalie up as Snow White we run over to an arts and crafts store, hit up … Continue reading ?

Mischief Night

I’m on the checkout line in the supermarket when a teenaged boy comes up to me with an extra large carton of eggs. “Excuse me, sir.” he says. “Could you buy these eggs for me?” My shopping cart is loaded … Continue reading ?

The Fires of Hell

“Stephen, dear,” Connie says. “Please refill my ice water.” I don’t even look up from my chart.  “Connie, the water machine is right over there. You’re perfectly capable of getting it.” “I’m too old. Be a nice young man and … Continue reading ?

Coffee,Tea and Pills

It’s 7:00 PM and I’m tired so I go into the staff room and brew a pot of coffee. Within minutes the smells of java fills the nurse’s station. Normally I take it black but, as I’ve gotten older, I … Continue reading ?


I’ve got the baby all to myself and a Nor’Easter is blowing outside. If I don’t take Natalie outside for a walk she won’t take a nap. That means Daddy won’t get a nap. Not good. When there’s a lull … Continue reading ?

Brunch Is for Jerks?

A couple of days ago a friend of mine, an avowed foodie, texted the above picture to my cell phone. “I disagree,” I wrote back. “As do I,” he replied. “Sometimes that’s my only meal!” I like brunch, but brunch … Continue reading ?


My wife’s friend’s son is missing. Please keep and eye out for him. Information can be found here.

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