Blog Profile / Mommy Wants Vodka

Filed Under:Humor
Posts on Regator:493
Posts / Week:1.4
Archived Since:September 23, 2010

Blog Post Archive

The Bitch Is Back

Late September, 2015, changed my  life forever. I was standing at the door of my apartment, talking to my friend – and neighbor – Tanya. I can see the moment that altered the course of, well, EVERYTHING as clear as day. It was dusk and a beautiful, clear night. She was getting ready for a […] The post The Bitch Is Back appeared first on Mommy Wants Vodka.

Cane YOU

Growing up, we always had a spot for canes – or “walking sticks” as my father referred to them as – by the front door. While I’m certain that other people had cane holders like we did, I recall being baffled that my friends all thought it was weird. As I recall, these canes were […] The post Cane YOU appeared first on Mommy Wants Vodka.

One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest

Prolly best to listen to while reading this post. Honestly, if you CAN listen to it, you should. It’s an excellent song: Nothing could’ve prepared me. They could’ve told me that I’d been depressed and I still wouldn’t have expected that walking into my apartment, I’d see just how depressed I’d been. Show More Summary

Terminal Velocity

She comes into full view from my spot on the gurney and I only know that my parents are going to be so pissed at me. Rebecca, keep your eyes OPEN. Now, open them. No, don’t cry – everything will be okay. I try to tell her that I’m sleepy, that I should go to […] The post Terminal Velocity appeared first on Mommy Wants Vodka.

What To Do If You Expect Your Child is an Addict

If you’re a mom who suspects a family member is addicted to drugs, you may be wondering what to do. There are many treatment plans available for all age groups, and the earlier you can get them into a program the better. Some of these include combating addiction with a combination of counseling and pharmaceuticals. Show More Summary

In The Kitchen With Aunt Becky

One of those things that I always figured I’d do when I was bored and had scads of free time, which, you know, I’m just swimming in with my three kids and houseful of pets, was to learn to decorate cakes. I somehow forgot when I was hatching my Great Plan, that I have absolutely […] The post In The Kitchen With Aunt Becky appeared first on Mommy Wants Vodka.

The Butt Sex Saga Part #1

I’ve been friends with Pashmina for, shit, what 10, maybe 12 years now, she was my coblogger for the pre-Aunt Becky days and she’s the only reason that I met The Daver. We’ve managed to stay friends for all of this time, and she wanted to show her appreciation for all that I’ve done for […] The post The Butt Sex Saga Part #1 appeared first on Mommy Wants Vodka.

The Butt Sex Check Saga Part B

There are always about 40 sides to every story, right? I told you my side of the butt sex story here (as well as back in September). This is Pashmina’s side. For simplicity’s sake, I tell people that Becky is my college roommate. This is not entirely true, as she lived two doors down from […] The post The Butt Sex Check Saga Part B appeared first on Mommy Wants Vodka.

Do Women Shop More Than Men?

Third party contributor Do Women Really Shop More Than Men? Not During the Holiday Season… According to a holiday shopping survey, men planned to spend more than women on gifts in 2013. If you’re a woman, it’s likely you’ve spit outShow More Summary

What Was Decidedly NOT Brownie Batter

Part I Part II Part III After what felt to be 27 years – but was more likely to have been 27 minutes – I decided that one melting down child (read: me) was enough; it was time to return to our humble room to watch some … whatever people watch in hotels that isn’t […] The post What Was Decidedly NOT Brownie Batter appeared first on Mommy Wants Vodka.

Twi Hard

Yesterday at 1:14 Me: “You know what I don’t get? TWILIGHT.” Lauren: “Oh Em Eff Ge I LOVE those books.” Me: “How can you read them? Stephanie Meyer can’t write herself out of a paper bag?” Lauren: “I may have also seen every movie opening...Show More Summary

Things Unsaid Today

“I was so happy to see your Mom at Alex’s concert the other day. Saw she’s using a cane now, so’s mine. She’s been falling a lot – I’ve had to go over and help her off the floor more times than I care to count. She needs a second total knee replacement now; she […] The post Things Unsaid Today appeared first on Mommy Wants Vodka.

Street Fighting (wo)Man

Part I Part II Because I am not only stupid, but dumb too, I can’t back down from a fight. I tried once, but it broke my arm. So when I started getting the hairy eyeball for daring to sit on an unoccupied chair adorned with an unused beach towel, my fake-rock bruised ass was […] The post Street Fighting (wo)Man appeared first on Mommy Wants Vodka.

Panic! At the Pool!

Part I After wandering through the endless labyrinth of badly-carpeted halls while lugging the absolute most amount of crap I’ve ever packed for a trip, finally, we reached our room. The kids, by this time, were weeping from hunger,Show More Summary

Cheeseburger in… Paradise?

Growing up, my parents weren’t much for amusement parks. They considered them to be beneath us, and every time I begged to visit one of those stop-n-drop carnivals set up around the outskirts of town, they shuddered notably and gave me a long lecture about how unsafe these things were. Show More Summary

Guest Post: Tales of an Unemployed Male Web Designer

If you have an awesomely hilarious and/or ridiculous guest post you’d like to post, email me! and we’ll get ‘er done. Unemployment can cause crazy things to happen in a person’s life. Sometimes, you get lazy and sleep all day and do nothing. Show More Summary

Ding Dong

Working in Chicago (as opposed to NOT Chicago), I tend to see a lot of weird shit. Like the circulating saw blade out in front of my office next to the rusty razor blade, which I took one look at, thought “Someone should do something about that,” realized that there was no way in hell […] The post Ding Dong appeared first on Mommy Wants Vodka.

Apparently, I Did Not Put The Lotion In The Basket

When my daughter was a toddler, she and I had a lot of problems with her frequent over-usage of soap and lotion. Well, her fascination with all things cleansing and moisturizing has reached an entire new level. A level so embarrassing...Show More Summary

Adult Ditch Day (Or My First Snow Day)

Back when I was a kid living in, you guessed it, Chicago winter was full of the awesome. That is, until January hit, you’d successfully squeezed out every magic drop of Christmas present goodness – hell, you’d even made “my monkey butler Mr. Show More Summary

Another Year Over

On my eighth birthday, I remember slogging ass out of bed and down to the kitchen for a bit of toast before beginning the day’s activities. A late riser as well, my father happened to be sitting at the counter as I toasted my bread. Always one to poke fun at what a she-beast I […] The post Another Year Over appeared first on Mommy Wants Vodka.

Copyright © 2015 Regator, LLC