Blog Profile / ComPost

Filed Under:News
Posts on Regator:2658
Posts / Week:7.7
Archived Since:April 20, 2011

Blog Post Archive

Net neutrality is gone. Feel the freedom coursing through your veins.

2 days agoNews : ComPost

“Today is a great day for consumers, for innovation and for freedom.” That is what Commissioner Brendan Carr of the Federal Communications Commission said as he voted to strip net neutrality protections. Whenever people tell me that we are on the verge of new, undiscovered freedom for consumers, I always feel a little nervous. “Unprecedented freedom […]

Tell me more about Steve Bannon’s genius

3 days agoNews : ComPost

Uncle Henry, you’ve been telling me for months that Steve Bannon was a strategic genius. Can you remind me again why? Oh, yes, he is, absolutely. The man gets results. He has 2040 vision. Not bad vision — I realize that sounds like bad vision — but I mean it in the sense that he is thinking […]

Trump respects women, you disgusting floozy

3 days agoNews : ComPost

If someone called on you to resign on the grounds that you had allegedly done a lot of sexual misconduct and displayed constant disrespect for women, would you respond by calling her something disrespectful and making vague sexual implications about her? No? Well, that is where you and President Trump are different. When Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (D-N.Y.) and three […]

Some good reasons to vote for Roy Moore

5 days agoNews : ComPost

On the one hand, The Post has reported that Roy Moore made advances on numerous women when they were in their teens and he was in his 30s. On the other hand, though, he thinks America was last great when slavery was still legal and “families were united.” (This could not have been less true under slavery, a system […]

After Trent Franks, men worry if asking subordinates to bear their child is still okay

last weekNews : ComPost

“The potential problem is you can’t even feel safe saying, ‘Good morning’ anymore.” —  Man named Steve quoted by the Associated Press Recent news that lawmaker Trent Franks has resigned after offering a female employee $5 million to carry his child has left many male employers shaken. Greg Prong once felt he knew what was […]

Melania Trump would like to spend Christmas on a deserted island (with her family)

last weekNews : ComPost

Q: My name is Andy … I am 10 … If you could spend the holidays anywhere in the world, where would you go? FLOTUS: I would spend my holidays on a deserted island, a tropical island, with my family. — White House pool report, 12/7/2017 It looks nothing like Christmas on the island. It is […]

Tiny Tim’s GoFundMe

last weekNews : ComPost

“At this festive season of the year, Mr. Scrooge,” said the gentleman, taking up a pen, “it is more than usually desirable that we should make some slight provision for the poor and destitute, who suffer greatly at the present time. Many thousands are in want of common necessaries; hundreds of thousands are in want […]

Is this monument for keeping or destroying? A handy Q&A.

last weekNews : ComPost

Sad to see the history and culture of our great country being ripped apart with the removal of our beautiful statues and monuments. You….. — Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 17, 2017 Given President Trump’s recent activity with regard to Bears Ears and Grand Staircase-Escalante national monuments in Utah, I think we had better clarify […]

I’m definitely not in favor of sex cannibals. So why do I keep voting for them?

last weekNews : ComPost

At first, when I heard the news that my beloved party’s candidate for [president] [senator] [other state or local office] had an enormous collection of women’s femurs that he used to eat to gratify himself sexually, I was, frankly, taken aback. I am not in favor of that kind of thing, myself. It goes against […]

The Senate tax bill will create unbelievable growth, but not the good kind

2 weeks agoNews : ComPost

The good news about 2017 is that while, on the one hand, everything is on fire, everything else is also on fire. But then again, everything is on fire! All the bad things that were happening are still happening, but then again, new bad things are happening, too, to take your mind off them. Currently staggering through the […]

The Senate regrets passing this bill providing for an asteroid to strike the middle class

2 weeks agoNews : ComPost

Look, the Senate GOP wishes very much that it did not have to pass this bill providing for the entire middle class to assemble outdoors and be struck by an immense meteor, but it is important that they not close the year without any legislative accomplishments. The bill has been the subject of heated debate. […]

Why Alabamians should consider eating Democrats’ babies

2 weeks agoNews : ComPost

I am going to argue for the unpopular, nay, shocking view that Alabama voters should consider eating baby Democrats. No, this isn’t satire. Satire is dead. Even if Roy Moore did what he is accused of doing, and we often can agree he did, I still think voting for him would be appropriate — no, […]

How to flirt safely (by a guy who is definitely not about to be fired for harassment)

2 weeks agoNews : ComPost

Listen, there are some behaviors we can all agree are courtship and NOT predation! You get it, gentlemen, right? We all know that there’s a dance that goes on between men and women, if you will, a kind of ancient ritual that dates back to time immemorial. [Pauses to mop brow.] Like, for instance, here […]

Some awful solutions to the sexual assault problem I’ve actually heard proposed

2 weeks agoNews : ComPost

Whenever news breaks that another man has been terrible (or allegedly terrible) to a woman and that he has, consequently, been plucked out of his job, some wise public figure observes that “the Pence rule is sounding pretty smart.” After all, the real casualty in all this is men’s careers. The thing that is dispensable […]

Some top-secret sources I now worry were working for Project Veritas

2 weeks agoNews : ComPost

Oh, Project Veritas. The James O’Keefe-helmed organization, clearly operating on the assumption that all you have to do to be an anonymous source is send a vague email out of the blue and it will appear in print with no questions, appears to have sent a woman to The Post to falsely claim that Roy Moore had […]

Nazis: They’re just like us!

2 weeks agoNews : ComPost

Why should the New York Times have all the fun? I spoke to the man who starts fires. He thinks everything ought to be on fire. He wants the whole world to burn. (I live in a fireproof house.) He wore a nice tie. He had a tattoo of a smiley face. He loves pop culture. As […]

Donald Trump to Americans: Go incorporate yourself

3 weeks agoNews : ComPost

Some weeks I just want to give it all up and become a large corporation. Being a human has only been a source of pain and inconvenience. I require periodic food and water. After a few days of subsisting entirely on coffee, I start to become nervous and irritable. I cannot stay awake indefinitely. I […]

Uncontroversial opinions perfect for the Thanksgiving table

3 weeks agoNews : ComPost

This turkey is delicious! White supremacists are bad. (Some are of course very fine people.)  These mashed potatoes seem fine. They have a good consistency and are not too lumpy. Okay, well, can we agree that Nazis at least are bad? Even if some of them have great hair? This stuffing is excellent. When it comes to people who […]

I am President Trump, and I think women are very special

3 weeks agoNews : ComPost

“Women are very special. I think it’s a very special time, a lot of things are coming out, and I think that’s good for our society and I think it’s very, very good for women, and I’m very happy a lot of these things are coming out. I’m very happy it’s being exposed.” — President Trump “Women […]

I oppose destroying men’s careers over creepy sex behavior. Except this guy’s.

4 weeks agoNews : ComPost

When I heard Thursday that a man’s career was at risk over something he had possibly done to a woman in the past, I thought this was an enormous shame. But then I learned that this man was Al Franken, and my views changed considerably. By God, people should live by their values, by God! That […]

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