Blog Profile / Copyranter

Filed Under:Marketing / Advertising
Posts on Regator:1539
Posts / Week:5.1
Archived Since:July 1, 2011

Blog Post Archive

Van Gogh "Self-Portrait With Bandaged Ear" Ads, Ranked.

Vinnie painted approximately 40 self-portraits before shooting himself at 37. (or before being shot, claim others). But he only created two with his bandaged ear. The popular opinion is that he cut off part of his lobe with a razor blade after a fight with Paul Gauguin. Show More Summary

Awful Stock Photos Turned Into Awful Ads.

The amount of time I've spent on stock photo websites (mostly shitty Getty, of course) over the last 15-20 years would be measured in months, not hours. Any ad creative who's had to work with either cheap-ass clients who wouldn't pay...Show More Summary

The Woman Used Illegally In That Awful Burger King "Blowjob" Ad Speaks Out.

Some of you will remember this unsubtle BK ad from five years, via Singapore. The overwhelming negative blowback over the ad forced BK USA Corporate to release this statement at the time:"Burger King Corporation (BKC) values and respects all of its guests. Show More Summary

Top Social Media Brand Dipshits of 2014.

Hello Brands! I've noticed that, more and more, EVERY DAY! you all are trying extra hard! to be my "friend"! And that you "love" (!!!) your "fans" and "followers", and that you really love "Likes" and "Favorites"!I've also noticed that you really love listicles!!!!!YAY!!!!!!!!!! Well, here's a fucking listicle for you.Listed from bad to the worst. Show More Summary

Inner Monologues of the DIRECTV Marionettes.

NOTE: Click on the images to watch the commercials. THE SON How come I don't have a penis yet?... Dad's got a penis... I ain't even got a knob... I wonder if mom has a vagina. Of course she has a vagina, dummy! YOU came out of her vagina, according to Miss Abernathy... Show More Summary


(Activate your "TRIGGER" warnings, pussies.) (Yes, it's another post mocking milquetoast Millennials.) __________ BOOMERS are the reason why Millennials are fucked, economically. Just ask them. Just read their Facebook updates. Gen Y...Show More Summary

A Definitive Examination of the Metaphorical Representation of SHIT in Advertising.

"Complex Shit", by Paul McCarthy, 2008. Constipation. Diarrhea. Explosive Diarrhea. We've all had them. We will all continue to have them. Thus, Shit Manipulation is big business. But how does one visually address such a disgusting topic in ads? Let's take a figurative look up your asshole. Show More Summary


(Activate your "TRIGGER" warnings) (Yet another post mocking the milquetoast Millennials.) __________ BOOMERS are the reason why Millennials are fucked, economically. Just ask them. Just read their Facebook updates. Gen Y is Generation Screwed, facing the worst job market since the Great Depression, according to several incorrect media sources. Show More Summary

The 19 worst "Business Teamwork" stock photos.

1. (four associates examine a bell pepper) I searched "Business Group Teamwork" on Getty and sifted through 41,177 photos to bring you this post. So thank me, you thankless anonymous assholes. I didn't sign in to remove the watermarks because, authenticity. Show More Summary

Men's Deodorant Marketing is Malarkey.

Remember: Mitchum—So Effective, You Can Skip A Day™? That was the Revlon brand's tagline for about 20 years, up until 2005. I mean, what the fuck do we have an FDA for if an antiperspirant can get away with that bald face lie? Today,...Show More Summary

Are Ad Agencies Still Cool?

(Back in 2011, one of the largest ad agencies in the world flew this banner over the hoards at the Cannes ad festival. Note the spelling of "famously".) Today’s ad agencies are nothing like Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce in the 1960s. They’re not even like Crispin Porter + Bogusky in 2005. Show More Summary

Brut has no idea what "a man" is.

(Like rape culture enabler Axe, Brut is a Unilever product. One of Brut's celebrity endorsers in the 1970s was footballer Paul Gascoigne, who allegedly let his man out by beating his wife.) Bros? Have you noticed more and more ads these...Show More Summary

It's Time To End The Cannes Advertising Festival.

The just completed 2014 Cannes Lions International Festival of Creativity made $28.2 million in entry fees alone, up over four million from 2013. British media company Top Right Group runs the Festival, after buying it from French businessman Roger Hatchuel in 2004 for £52 million. Show More Summary

Today’s Tech Ads Are Almost All Male-Created And Almost All Terrible.

That Silicon Valley and Alley are of both massively dick-heavy is not news—if you’ve ever been to a tech trade show, well, you know. Therefore, it makes sense that tech company ad agencies would put their best men on the job, and only men. Show More Summary

The Great American Tagline Is Dead.

(One of my favorite taglines of all time) Nike ditched Just Do It last year. Apparently, they thought it too harsh for today’s soft generation, replacing it, temporarily, with the gooier Find Your Greatness. If sitting on your couchShow More Summary

Prankvertising Is The Worst Thing To Happen To Advertising Since The Starburst.

Pageviews. Today’s world has deemed them so vital, that it’s turned them into one word. Say the word in a marketing meeting, and ears prick up, eyes sparkle, and sometimes drool comes out of mouths. That’s because a video ad’s pageviews instantly turn advertising into science, which it absolutely most certainly is not. Show More Summary

BuzzFeed's Native Advertising Is Nothing But A Confidence Game.

BuzzFeed is worth a lot of money, maybe $1 billion. At least, that’s what they told Disney when the Mouse came sniffing at their hot ass earlier this year. BuzzFeed is not worth lots of money because of its lists or quizzes. It is worth...Show More Summary

Worst Ad of the Day—on Twitter.

I've started a " Worst Ad of the Day " daily update on Twitter.This Indian ad for Kurl-on mattresses featuring Malala Yousafzai—the Pakistani girl shot in the face by the Taliban—was a recent winner. It's by O&M India and, amazingly, is a real ad. Splendid.I update daily. Go here.

Social Media Dipshits: Stop Treating Us Like Fuckwits.

When are brand managers going to come to realize that metrics don't mean diddly-squat, and that their social media managers need to stop stealing "content" ideas from old Highlights magazines? Story Link, on VICE.

The Best Ads of 2014 You Haven't Seen, Part 1.

11 commercials, plus the above brilliant print campaign for a Swiss vegetarian restaurant. Story on VICE.

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