Blog Profile / Copyranter

Filed Under:Marketing / Advertising
Posts on Regator:1548
Posts / Week:5
Archived Since:July 1, 2011

Blog Post Archive

The 5 Worst American Iraqi War Operation Brand Names.

(not an official logo) In July, Israel launched "Operation Protective Edge" against Hamas in Gaza. What does that mean, do you think? Why doesn't the press ask what it means? Because you know days were spent around conference room tables committee-ing that name to death. Show More Summary

More Awful Stock Photos Turned Into Awful Ads.

If you spend more than a normal amount of time online, you've probably noticed more and more "professional" bloggers turning to stock photos for quick stupid posts. This movement really picked up momentum about four years ago with the...Show More Summary

Starbucks Ads Target "Complete Moron" Demographic

SOMETIMES THE BEST WAY TO CONNECT IS TO GET TOGETHER. This is the no-duh sign-off line of new commercials via the $15 billion chain. These ads are what's called a "soft sell", as opposed to your local screaming car dealership commercials, which are "hard sell". Show More Summary

On EXTREME Copywriting.

(Billboard from 2010. A phone is a bucket. With knuckles. Filled with female deer.) At some point, in the last seven years or so, advertising copywriters started an EXTREME headline movement—in your face, provocative ads that make absolutely zero sense. Show More Summary

BREAKDOWN! Why David Fincher's New GAP Ads Are Fucking Terrible.

BREAKDOWN! is a new semi-regular bullshit clickbait copyranter feature where I "break down" why popular new ads that most people like are in fact "Fucking Terrible".____________________GAP hired Fincher, Hollywood hero to both faux-tough...Show More Summary

According to Advertising, the 1950s woman wanted to fuck her appliances.

(detail from 1956 Monsanto ad featuring a Hoover vacuum that wasn't also a phone) It was the salad baby-booming post-WWII days of this great country, when men were men and women were wives. Obedient wives. Obedient wives with sparkling dishware, spotless clothing that smelt of the ocean, perfectly organized spice racks, and tightly sealed leftovers. Show More Summary

The Ridiculously Phallic Crunchie Ads of the 1950s.

Let me feed it to you—s l o w l y—baby. CLICK ADS TO ENLARGE.SCENE:offices of London ad agency Subliminal, Persuader, & Manipulate, 1957.Subliminal: "Gentlemen: I just got off the phone with Fry's. We got a new giant bar to push, the 6D. Show More Summary

The Swagger Dads Of Advertising Need To Get Got.

The New Cheerios Gang-Signs Dad It's been well documented (if not well researched): At some point in the 1990s, Ad Dads very suddenly became moronic punchlines. I don't know who was more responsible for this—ad agencies or brands or Homer Simpson—but the tipping point was reached quickly. Show More Summary

Just What In The Hell Has Happened To Beer Advertising?

Long gone are the days of the great " Tastes Great/Less Filling" Miller Lite TV commercials.Long gone are the days of the very good Bud Light " Real Men of Genius/Real American Heroes " radio spots (The gig didn't work as well on TV).And, long gone are the days of the fucking brilliant Errol Morris-directed "High Life" Miller TV ads. Show More Summary

Van Gogh "Self-Portrait With Bandaged Ear" Ads, Ranked.

Vinnie painted approximately 40 self-portraits before shooting himself at 37. (or before being shot, claim others). But he only created two with his bandaged ear. The popular opinion is that he cut off part of his lobe with a razor blade after a fight with Paul Gauguin. Show More Summary

Awful Stock Photos Turned Into Awful Ads.

The amount of time I've spent on stock photo websites (mostly shitty Getty, of course) over the last 15-20 years would be measured in months, not hours. Any ad creative who's had to work with either cheap-ass clients who wouldn't pay...Show More Summary

The Woman Used Illegally In That Awful Burger King "Blowjob" Ad Speaks Out.

Some of you will remember this unsubtle BK ad from five years, via Singapore. The overwhelming negative blowback over the ad forced BK USA Corporate to release this statement at the time:"Burger King Corporation (BKC) values and respects all of its guests. Show More Summary

Top Social Media Brand Dipshits of 2014.

Hello Brands! I've noticed that, more and more, EVERY DAY! you all are trying extra hard! to be my "friend"! And that you "love" (!!!) your "fans" and "followers", and that you really love "Likes" and "Favorites"!I've also noticed that you really love listicles!!!!!YAY!!!!!!!!!! Well, here's a fucking listicle for you.Listed from bad to the worst. Show More Summary

Inner Monologues of the DIRECTV Marionettes.

NOTE: Click on the images to watch the commercials. THE SON How come I don't have a penis yet?... Dad's got a penis... I ain't even got a knob... I wonder if mom has a vagina. Of course she has a vagina, dummy! YOU came out of her vagina, according to Miss Abernathy... Show More Summary


(Activate your "TRIGGER" warnings, pussies.) (Yes, it's another post mocking milquetoast Millennials.) __________ BOOMERS are the reason why Millennials are fucked, economically. Just ask them. Just read their Facebook updates. Gen Y...Show More Summary

A Definitive Examination of the Metaphorical Representation of SHIT in Advertising.

"Complex Shit", by Paul McCarthy, 2008. Constipation. Diarrhea. Explosive Diarrhea. We've all had them. We will all continue to have them. Thus, Shit Manipulation is big business. But how does one visually address such a disgusting topic in ads? Let's take a figurative look up your asshole. Show More Summary


(Activate your "TRIGGER" warnings) (Yet another post mocking the milquetoast Millennials.) __________ BOOMERS are the reason why Millennials are fucked, economically. Just ask them. Just read their Facebook updates. Gen Y is Generation Screwed, facing the worst job market since the Great Depression, according to several incorrect media sources. Show More Summary

The 19 worst "Business Teamwork" stock photos.

1. (four associates examine a bell pepper) I searched "Business Group Teamwork" on Getty and sifted through 41,177 photos to bring you this post. So thank me, you thankless anonymous assholes. I didn't sign in to remove the watermarks because, authenticity. Show More Summary

Men's Deodorant Marketing is Malarkey.

Remember: Mitchum—So Effective, You Can Skip A Day™? That was the Revlon brand's tagline for about 20 years, up until 2005. I mean, what the fuck do we have an FDA for if an antiperspirant can get away with that bald face lie? Today,...Show More Summary

Are Ad Agencies Still Cool?

(Back in 2011, one of the largest ad agencies in the world flew this banner over the hoards at the Cannes ad festival. Note the spelling of "famously".) Today’s ad agencies are nothing like Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce in the 1960s. They’re not even like Crispin Porter + Bogusky in 2005. Show More Summary

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