Blog Profile / Wonkette

Filed Under:US Politics / Liberal
Posts on Regator:4512
Posts / Week:10.6
Archived Since:March 3, 2008

Blog Post Archive

Oh Hey, Did You Hear There’s New Radiohead? Your Weekly Wonkette Dance Party

16 hours agoUS Politics / Liberal : Wonkette

Oh hey, it is Wednesday afternoon, which means it is time for your weekly dance party, where we shuffle our iTunes, post the first ten songs that come up at random, and you all dance. And you’re DEFINITELY going to dance, because unless you have been living inside a rock inside Ted Cruz’s anus this

Hot-Ass Justin Trudeau Can’t Stop Making Sexxx Eyes At Foreign Princes

16 hours agoUS Politics / Liberal : Wonkette

Hey it’s Wednesday, wanna fawn all over Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau for no goddamn reason? Good, we do too. So, the Invictus Games are this really nice thing created by sexxxy Prince Harry, where wounded veterans from all over compete in all the sports. They start this weekend in Orlando, and in 2017, they

‘Jill And Jessa: Counting On’ Finale: Our Long National Nightmare Is Over At Last

19 hours agoUS Politics / Liberal : Wonkette

We regret to inform you that the latest iteration of the Duggars, “Jill and Jessa: Counting Spawn On” has not yet been cancelled. Turns out prayers don’t do shit. Perhaps we need to start making blood sacrifices to minor demons in order to make this pain cease. Side note: do you think that the Duggars

Fox News Guy Kicked Off Air Just For Gettin’ A Little Strange

19 hours agoUS Politics / Liberal : Wonkette

In your WTF, Really? News today, a blessed distraction from the agita over Donald Trump’s Ascension to the GOP nomination: Fox News White House correspondent Ed Henry has been bounced off the air for an indeterminate time, because he did extramarital sexxytimes with some lady who is not his wife. Yes, America, we’re now suspending

John Kasich Doing Something Today Too, We Dunno, We Weren’t Listening

19 hours agoUS Politics / Liberal : Wonkette

Oh hell, in all our jizz-citement over Ted Cruz running away to eat a million cans of soup by himself in hell, and in our glee about the loser #NeverTrump people beating themselves up over what a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day this is for America, we forgot John Kasich was running for

Sad Red State Dude: Confirm Merrick Garland Before Hillary Nominates Ghost Che Guevara

19 hours agoUS Politics / Liberal : Wonkette

Rightwing panic over Ted Cruz’s withdrawal from the campaign is manifesting itself in some pretty weird ways. Consider, for instance, this RedState post calling for Senate Republicans to drop their “let the people have a voice” rhetoric and just confirm Merrick Garland to the Supreme Court already. Obviously, since all hope is lost and Hillary

RIP Ted Cruz, For Now You Are Dead. A Wonkette Post-Mortem!

22 hours agoUS Politics / Liberal : Wonkette

Did you guys hear the news? NO, Ted Cruz did not die in a fire made out of dildos soaked with the blood of the risen Christ, why would you think that?! But you probably DID hear that Ted Cruz’s campaign died in a fire Tuesday night, and since he is probably one of the

Let Us Drink The Delicious Tears Of The #NeverTrump Brigades

22 hours agoUS Politics / Liberal : Wonkette

With Donald Trump the presumptive Republican nominee, Tuesday night and Wednesday morning have been time for much panic, many gnashing of the teeth for the NeverTrump folks. It’s kind of cute to see their resolute determination that when they say never, they mean NEVER TRUMP, mixed with all the bitter tears they’re crying for America

Supreme Court Tells McDonald’s To Shut Its Mac-Hole About Seattle’s $15 Minimum Wage

22 hours agoUS Politics / Liberal : Wonkette

What’s a fast food company to do when duly elected government officials enact a law designed to make companies treat their workers like human beings? In McDonald’s case, the answer is “sue all the way to the Supreme Court.” On Monday, though, the highest court in the land basically kidney-punched Ronald McDonald right in his

John McCain’s Son Has Thing Or Two To Say To Gross Internet Racists

22 hours agoUS Politics / Liberal : Wonkette

You’d sort of think that 49 years after Loving v. Virginia, nobody would be much bothered by media depictions of interracial couples, but that would probably be because you actually do think, instead of simply reacting straight from your Angry Amygdala. So it isn’t really all that surprising that a perfectly routine Tweet from Old

Never Wrong Bill Kristol Will Never Say Never About Donald Trump

Oh hey, Bill Kristol, how’s it hangin’? You out there in America somewhere, bein’ wrong? Duh, of course. So, in case you didn’t know, Bill Kristol, the man who is never always wrong, has been a big whore-pimper for the #NeverTrump movement, which consists of Republicans being ALL #HolierThanThou and #BetterThanThat about how they are

Ted Cruz Drops Out Of Campaign To Spend More Time Being Hated By Own Family

Following his loss in the Indiana primary, Ted Cruz announced he is suspending his campaign. Donald Trump is now pretty much the nominee, unless the GOP establishment can figure out a way to travel through a time warp and convince the young Donald to pursue a career selling DeLorean motorcars. “We left it all on

Indiana Primary Sexxxing Up Democracy Right Now, For America

OH HEY INDIANA, LOOK AT YOUR HANDSOME ASSES RIGHT NOW! You are doing #Democracy, by voting in your presidential primary! You better go fast though, because polls close at 6 PM local time, which for most of the state is in the Eastern Time Zone. If you are near Chicago, though, you have an extra

Wow! This Lady Going Berserk On A Random Stranger For Being On Food Stamps Sure Is Classy!

Video shows random lady in Walmart losing her shit on a young father buying food with food stamps.

Texas Sheriff Lady Fights Tyranny By Intimidatin’ Gross Democrat And Latino Voters

If you’d like a vision of the Constitutional Paradise espoused by militia loons and rightwing super patriots like Richard Mack, founder of the “Constitutional Sheriffs and Peace Officers Association” (CSPOA), which insists that county sheriffs are the highest law enforcement authorities allowed by their Very Special Version of the Constitution, take a look at this

Something Good Happened For Gays In Mississippi, Even Though That Is UNPOSSIBLE

Y’all listen up, for we actually have a #NiceTime involving gaywad-sexuals what live in Mississippi! We mentioned when we reported on the state’s horrific, most-insane-in-the-nation “religious freedom” bill, that a mean federal judge had just ruled that it is not OK for Mississippi to be the only state in the US and A where gay couples

What Do You Suppose Donald Trump Talked About At Lunch With Clinton-Conspiracy Nut?

So here’s a thing that happened in Indianapolis Monday: Donald Trump had lunch with his now-exonerated Head Thug Corey Lewandowski, his social media director (and former golf caddie) Dan Scavino, and a dude who isn’t officially part of the Trump campaign at all, Ed Klein. You may remember Klein, if you do at all, as

Gov. Rick Scott Offers California Businesses Cheap-Ass Florida Workers At Bargain Basement Prices

Rick Scott hopes a recent minimum wage hike in California will cause businesses to move to Florida, where they can pay workers less.

Donald Trump Doesn’t Know If Ted Cruz’s Dry Drunk Dad Murdered JFK, But MAYBE!

Did you hear about the breaking news about how on top of how Ted Cruz is maybe the Zodiac Killer, his dry-drunk dad might have been Lee Harvey Oswald’s fluffer when he murdered our beloved President John Fitzgerald Kennedy? It’s in The National Enquirer so it might be true! The evidence? Well, Oswald was in a

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