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Tears in the Rain

After sitting for almost three hours in a movie theatre I needed to take a wicked leak. So, while the movie’s credits were still rolling, I gathered up my car keys, an empty gallon sized cup of Diet Coke, my cane and hobbled towards the The post Tears in the Rain appeared first on Waiter Rant.

Tumescent

This is my favorite psych ward story….. At the tail end of a long shift, I was sitting in the nurse station when I heard a blood curdling scream. Leaping out of my chair, I raced into the hallway where I found one of the The post Tumescent appeared first on Waiter Rant.

Advice for New Fathers

A few days ago, I was talking to a co-worker who was about to become a new grandmother. “When’s the baby due?” I said. “My daughter’s due Sunday,” Leslie said. “But if the baby doesn’t come by then they’re going to induce on Monday.” “How’s The post Advice for New Fathers appeared first on Waiter Rant.

My Own Private Rapture

I was calling a worker bee at government agency when I got this gem of a voicemail message, “I’m not available to take your call at this time, but if you leave your name, number and a brief message, I will call you back at The post My Own Private Rapture appeared first on Waiter Rant.

Infinite Monkey Theorem

A few weeks ago I was in the pharmacy picking up a prescription for my wife. Trouble was, the pharmacist wouldn’t give it to me. “Can you spell her name again? he asked, holding a bottle of pills in his hand.  My wife kept her The post Infinite Monkey Theorem appeared first on Waiter Rant.

I Still Want to Play

My wife had a business meeting in Seattle and, having never been there myself, we decided to make it a mini-family vacation. After a tumultuous plane ride with a three-year-old, we landed in the birthplace of Starbucks. Annie didn’t wrap up work at the convention The post I Still Want to Play appeared first on Waiter Rant.

Scamming Is Their Business

Categories: Right Tags: Liars/Scammers, Restaurant, Scotland, UK Waiter: "What's wrong?" Me: "They don't have a tab or contract with us. They just got a free meal..." (Read more...) The post Scamming Is Their Business appeared first on Funny & True Stories - Not Always Right.

Next Time Say “Why Not?”

(Office | USA) Office | USA Categories: Working Tags: Office Office | USA(I work in the United States and work closely with the London office of my company. It should be noted that I do almost all of the paperwork for the London office, and just email them the documents when they are completed. Show More Summary

Getting Shirty Because You’re Cursed

Categories: Romantic Tags: Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Cardiff, Clothing Store, UK, Wales Me: laughing “You! Are! Cursed!” (Read more...) The post Getting Shirty Because You’re Cursed appeared first on Funny & True Stories - Not Always Ri...

Eating Them Was A Missed-Steak

Categories: Right Tags: Bristow, Food & Drink, Grocery Store, USA, Virginia Customer: "But we ate them. We didn't like them and I want my money back. I don't know why you are giving me a hard time. I am a customer and I am not satisfied!" Me: "I'm sorry. Show More Summary

Well, That’s THAT Problem Licked

(Home | BC, Canada) Home | BC, Canada Categories: Related Tags: home Home | BC, Canada(My son and his girlfriend have several reptiles, including a leopard gecko. One evening they are at our place for supper. Girlfriend has a cut onShow More Summary

Scheduled For A Breakdown

(Retail | USA) Retail | USA Categories: Working Tags: Retail Retail | USA(I am training a new guy. He’s young and this is his first job — he also obviously comes from a fairly affluent family. When you are hired at our store it takes...Show More Summary

This Kind Of Humor Should Be A (Hoi-Sin)

Categories: Friendly Tags: England, Punny, Supermarket, UK Me: "I know ducks can fly and all but on top of [Supermarket] clock tower is a little quackers." Friend: "He's visiting his cousins in the frozen aisle. They're in the spring rolls." (Read more...) The post This Kind Of Humor Should Be A (Hoi-Sin) appeared first on Funny & True Stories - Not Always Right.

Flirtation Comes With Part Of The Package

Categories: Right, Romantic Tags: England, Flirting, Norfolk, Parents/Guardians, Retail, UK Customer: "Yes, are you single? My son is such a lovely young man, you know!" Me: "I'm sure he is madam, but I'm taken. Sorry!" (Read more...) The post Flirtation Comes With Part Of The Package appeared first on Funny & True Stories - Not Always Right.

A Propensity For Density

Categories: Learning Tags: England, High School, London, Math & Science, UK Teacher: "So, the more dense an object is, the higher the refractive index." Loud Student: from across the room "Wait, what are we doing now?" Teacher: sighShow More Summary

The Day Was About To (Bath) Bomb

Categories: Hopeless Tags: Awesome, Employees, Shopping Center, UK Me: "I'm so sorry; you're at work and I'm keeping you from your job." Shop Assistant: "Oh, no, it's been nice to sit down! Why don't you put your bags behind the counter,...Show More Summary

Excuses That Don’t Hold Water

Categories: Right Tags: Comics (Read more...) The post Excuses That Don’t Hold Water appeared first on Funny & True Stories - Not Always Right.

Acting Like A Child

Categories: Right Tags: Alcohol, Bizarre, Restaurant, Scotland, UK Me: "Sir, you can't take drinks into the child's play area." Patron: "Why not?! My table is just through there." Me: "Because it is a children's play area." (Read more...) The post Acting Like A Child appeared first on Funny & True Stories - Not Always Right.

His Mercury Is In Retrograde

(Lab | Singapore) Lab | Singapore Categories: Working Tags: Lab Lab | Singapore(One day, I need to check the room temperature for an experiment, so I find a thermometer in a drawer and leave it lying on the workbench.) Colleague: “You...Show More Summary

Living With A Complex Kitty

Categories: Romantic Tags: Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Cornwall, England, home, Pets & Animals, UK Boyfriend: laughing "Are you saying I've given her an eating complex?" Me: "Yes." (Read more...) The post Living With A Complex Kitty appeared first on Funny & True Stories - Not Always Right.

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