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Well Duh!

she got all the trimmings too... Ah Mother's Day. To be fair it was relatively pain-free. The punters, for most part, were really quite lovely. All the children were of the grown up variety, seriously only one actual kid all afternoon. Wonderful stuff. That's not to say that we didn't have people getting on like [...]

Sin Saves

(Another Byrne story I wrote a while back. Experimenting with the genre. Enjoy!) It was two o’clock in the afternoon when I heard the shots ring out. If you’ve ever spent time around firearms, the sound of gunfire is unmistakable. Those who haven’t often mistake it for firecrackers going off or a car backfiring. It’s [...]

Prepare yourselves…

And Monday is a bank holiday too and there is the little matter of St. Patrick's Day on Saturday. Cry havoc and let slip the Irish stew bowls of war! I shall be spending Thursday resting. I won't be back until Tuesday, you'll probably wanna write that down.

How to handle restaurant complaints by Kelly Ann

  Kelly Ann would make an amazing waitress. And to be fair she seems to have the right attitude. How to handle complaints, by The Estate's Kelly Ann (click it) "Fuckin eat it ye bastard" She says what we all want to say but never could. I salute you Kelly Ann! Hat Tip, Toast.

Bill Splitters – My Guide to Splitting the Bill…

Bill Splitters isn't the name of a character in a bawdy Carry On film and nor is it a tool used to split the bills of ducks and other such bird type creatures, though why you'd want to split the bills of cute little duckies I just don't know. Bill Splitters are those annoying, and [...]


(I wrote this for giggles a while back. Not a very serious work, but I hope you enjoy it.) In my twenty years as both a cop and private investigator I’ve been asked to find a lot of things in New Jersey: murderers, rapists, thieves, drugs, stolen cars, putrefying body parts in the Meadowlands, one [...]


I had just been hired to follow a guy. Funny thing was, I had no know idea why I was being hired to follow him. The guy paying me just said, “Keep an eye on him and make sure he doesn’t get into trouble.” “What kind of trouble?” “You’ll know it when you see it.” [...]

The Insane World of the Restaurant Guest…

Working, as I do, in the world of restaurants and food and what have you I do take some things for granted. I have been known to make assumptions from time to time. I know I shouldn't. I mean not everyone knows what Chateaubriand is or what the best way to have your rib eye cooked [...]

The Prince and the Waiter

Well done Brazilian Waiter Chum,   All that inbreeding clearly has had an effect on the young Windsor's ability to walk around tray wielding waiters. His father, whoever he is, must be scundered. Heh   Hat tip, Xboss.

The magazine that never got read…or printed.

I'd forgotten I'd knocked these up some time ago, Waiter and Bus-Boy Monthly - the magazine for slingers, schleppers and carriers and chums thereof. Could have made my millions with this. Heh. issue 0ne issue 2 issue 3 - smaller to fit into apron pocket

Lunch at Coco…

Little Miss Manuel and I ventured forth on WDF'S fifth birthday to Coco on Belfast's Linenhall Street. This is what we had...  bread tapenade and oils... fritto misto rocket, curry mayonnaise and lemon vinaigrette pan fried scallops with cauliflower purée, Clonakilty black pudding and port reduction (pretty as a picture) honey roast pork belly with [...]

Always check behind you…

So it was late one afternoon many, many years ago and a chum and I were working away in the kitchen of Pizza Hut. We were larking about, as you do, whilst keeping an eye out for the boss. The area manager was due in at any moment and we were supposed to be on [...]

After Five Years of Shouting…I Deserve Cake!

Gaze upon the opulence and splendour that is the Well Done Cake because every birthday deserves cake. It was made by that magnificent bastard James Watson from Cakes by James. Five years done...and I'm only getting warmed up. Now the tantrums really start. Cheers for reading. You people warm me.

The Sate of the known Filletverse…

Another weekend done, another weekend closer to the big section in the sky. Excuse me, dear reader,  if I seem a bit morose but some of you didn't cover yourselves in glory this weekend. It's like some people just haven't been reading my daily missives, my dispatches from the frontline at all over the last [...]

Badges are back…!

Badges are back! As it's nearly Well Done Fillet's fifth birthday I'm feeling generous! So the first fifty people to email me using the form below will get a free, random, Well Done Fillet badge. Stick your address in the message are and mark the Subject as Badges. Ta. I promise not to stalk you, [...]

Dicks, assholes and Waiters…

The interaction between waiter and guest can sometimes feel like being in a co-dependent relationship. Sometimes it's Romeo and Juliet. Sometimes it's Jordan and Peter Andre or Jordan and Alex Reid or Jordan and Gareth Gates...You get the point. More often than not though it's a whole lot less passionate and instead feels, well from [...]

Mark Twain was right…

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt." That Mark Twain knew what he was on about. Wonder if he ever waited tables. I mean I can spot the half witted, the dull of mins and the dunderheads before they've opened their mouths and long before [...]

Dead waiters don’t spill beer twice…

So you're the leader of, probably, the last financially solvent nation in Europe and you pop out for a pint half litre of ridiculously strong beer only for the waiter to tip the tray of beer over your back. Crikey, not good times. But to Angela Marklar's credit she didn't react with fury, physical violence or [...]

Bingo wings in the gravy…

Most days I go to work pretty confident about what I can expect. I mean the routine is pretty regular - set up, order, serve, smile fuck, clean down, home, cry, sleep.  The faces may change, not by much to be fair, but the routine remains the same unbroken chain of events. I welcome the [...]

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