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Huff Post Live

I participated in a fun panel on tipping at Huff Post Live. You can find it archived here. Enjoy. Man I look pasty!

The Other

It’s a crystal clear Saturday afternoon and I’m at party in my friend’s new house. An expensive affair of glass and wood, it stands glorious and serene on a vast plain. “My nearest neighbor is ten miles away,” my friend crows as I offer him the obligatory bottle of wine. “I’ve always wanted to get [...]

Waiter Rant on Sale!

I just noticed that Amazon is selling the paperback edition of Waiter Rant for $10.19! A steal! Sorry I haven’t been around much. Things are very busy over here! Back soon.

Room for Debate

I wrote a small Op-ed about entitled parents and restaurants for the Room for Debate section of the New York Times. Enjoy! Let the hate mail begin!


It’s Monday morning and I’m in the bathroom performing my morning ablutions. After taking a hot shower with lots of soap, shampoo and conditioner, I towel off and go to the sink to shave. Not my favorite thing. Today, however, I’m trying something different. After lathering up my face, I open my medicine cabinet and [...]

Crazy Sexy

I need to refill my Lipitor prescription so I walk into the local Rite Aid with Ann in tow. “I’ll check my blood pressure while you’re waiting,” Ann says. Ann’s blood pressure is perfect, but she has a strange fetish. She likes the crushing feeling of a blood pressure cuff on her arm. She also [...]

You Must Be This Young to Ride This Ride

It’s Tuesday night and I’m walking through the Meadowland’s State Fair with my girlfriend, Ann. The weather is cool and breezy and attendance is sparse. That’s good because I won’t have to wait to get on a ride. And man, I love amusement park rides. “So what ride do you want to go on first?” [...]

Headline News

This is last minute, but I’ll be on Headline News at 5:40 today. I’m talking about automatic gratuities. Some restaurant called the cops on some people who wouldn’t pay! Should be fun.

Anderson Cooper

Hello again. Just wanted to let you know I’ll be on Anderson Cooper’s daytime talk show tomorrow afternoon. (May 1) Please check your local listings for showtimes. Guess what? Anderson was a waiter once too! I knew I liked the guy.


If you’ve come to this website after watching 20/20, welcome! Most of my waiter stories can be found in the archives dating from 2004-2009. After that, you’ll find some fiction I wrote and some observations I’ve made about life. I hope you enjoy all my stories! And yes, you can buy Waiter Rant or my [...]


Hey everybody. I’ll be on ABC’s 20/20 this Friday night at 10PM. Set your DVRs!

A Little Part of You Dies

(Another Byrne story I wrote for fun. Comments and free editorial suggestions welcome.) Hoboken used to be a tough town filled with stevedores and working stiffs until a wave of New York real estate fetishists crossed the Hudson back in the 90’s and turned it into an oblast of Manhattan. As I walked down Washington [...]

Sin Saves

(Another Byrne story I wrote a while back. Experimenting with the genre. Enjoy!) It was two o’clock in the afternoon when I heard the shots ring out. If you’ve ever spent time around firearms, the sound of gunfire is unmistakable. Those who haven’t often mistake it for firecrackers going off or a car backfiring. It’s [...]


(I wrote this for giggles a while back. Not a very serious work, but I hope you enjoy it.) In my twenty years as both a cop and private investigator I’ve been asked to find a lot of things in New Jersey: murderers, rapists, thieves, drugs, stolen cars, putrefying body parts in the Meadowlands, one [...]


I had just been hired to follow a guy. Funny thing was, I had no know idea why I was being hired to follow him. The guy paying me just said, “Keep an eye on him and make sure he doesn’t get into trouble.” “What kind of trouble?” “You’ll know it when you see it.” [...]

Not Yet

Two weeks ago my dog Buster became unable to jump on the couch. Buster lives on the couch so I found this development mildly worrisome. At nine years old he has some arthritis and is not a limber as he still  thinks he is. Then a few days later his back legs gave out and [...]


My girlfriend loves estate sales. Every weekend for the past couple of months, she’s been hunting for bargains in what I call “dead old lady houses,” usually with me in tow. The irony that I’m engaging in a Yuppie activity akin to antiquing is not lost on me. My girlfriend has indeed found some nice [...]

Customer Disservice

Hi everybody. I’ll be on CNBC tonight. The program is titled, “Customer Disservice” and it will air at 9pm ET/8pm CT. Tune in!

I'm still here

Family is great. Christmas was wonderful. New Years eve now and tomorrow a brand new calender. Food has been good lately..I'll be around in '12. Lots of months in 2011 with no updates. But... as a dad I've been busy.

Merry Christmas

Hey everybody: Sorry I’ve been away so long. Let’s just say my life is unfolding nicely and I’ve been very busy. I’m enjoying the holidays with my fantastic and lovely girlfriend, so I’m just fine. May you all have a Happy (Insert appropriate holiday here) and a wonderful New Year! And if you go out [...]

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