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The Hero’s Song
I was surfing the internet when I found a trailer for the upcoming Superman movie, Man of Steel. When I was done watching it I realized I had tears in my eyes. As I get older, I find myself choking … Continue reading ?
My Trader Joe’s Phobia
Annie loves Trader Joe’s. I mean loves them. I’m surprised the company’s logo isn’t tattooed on her butt. Until I met her, however, I had never stepped inside one of their stores. I’ve experienced jihadist attachment to supermarkets before. I … Continue reading ?
Tu Est Petrus?
I am what could be generously called a lapsed Catholic. But even if I become an atheist Buddhist with Zoroastrian tendencies, I am and will forever be a former seminarian. Even though I was never ordained, the experience left an … Continue reading ?
Man Wants Cheeseburger, Apparently
Fuck my cheeseburger? No dude, I don't do that. This is why it is incumbent on all waiting and food service staff to get the order right every time. There is just so much delicious stupid out there.
You Must Be This Young to Ride This Ride
It’s Tuesday night and I’m walking through the Meadowland’s State Fair with my girlfriend, Ann. The weather is cool and breezy and attendance is sparse. That’s good because I won’t have to wait to get on a ride. And man, I love amusement park rides. “So what ride do you want to go on first?” [...]
“Rotten Job – because people are so stupid…”
A short and wonderful snippet from an interview with Peter Cook by Michael Parkinson where he talks about his short spell as a waiter. He sums up the problem with the job quite well...it's all your fault you know. Watch it all or skip it to about a minute in for his take on waiting [...]
Restaurant Advert Makes Normal People Kill Themselves…
Watch this...just...just watch this... Fucking wow! I was sure, so utterly convinced, that this was a sketch from a comedy show I kept wondering when the punchline would come. But it's not a spoof. It's a real thing for a real restaurant with real people. Well as real as fake human beings can be. Sickening [...]
Ah Lads come one…
I spent a lot of time on Saturday night pondering. I pondered this. I pondered that. I pondered most of the night to be fair. Be under no illusion I was still fully focused on my waiterly duties. Food, wine and appropriate witticisms were delivered on cue. Punters ate not just from their plates but [...]
The Prince and the Waiter
Well done Brazilian Waiter Chum, All that inbreeding clearly has had an effect on the young Windsor's ability to walk around tray wielding waiters. His father, whoever he is, must be scundered. Heh Hat tip, Xboss.
Dead waiters don’t spill beer twice…
So you're the leader of, probably, the last financially solvent nation in Europe and you pop out for a pint half litre of ridiculously strong beer only for the waiter to tip the tray of beer over your back. Crikey, not good times. But to Angela Marklar's credit she didn't react with fury, physical violence or [...]
Manuel says, “NO!”
Never let it be said that I, Manuel, am a Luddite. I embrace change. I yearn for the new. I marvel at advances in modern technology. I cuddle the exotic and the strange. I stare wide-eyed at wondrous things. I lick the face of the newfangled. I kiss the....okay you get the point. And all [...]
Claudius II, Brian Valentine and Me…& you.
It was the night before St. Valentine's day and all the waiters were tucked up in their beds not giving the teeniest, tiniest fuck for the day ahead. Don't get me wrong, as a people, we waiters are pro-love. I mean if you have ever been to a restaurant staff party you will have witnessed, [...]
Gluttony – A Story in Five Tasty Parts…
Ah is there anything more lovely than a week off work and with it a chance to escape the passive aggression, poorly contained animosity, swearing, plate throwing, huffing, back stabbing and generally moodiness that comes from working in a restaurant? I think not. My Waiter Chums must have had a delightful week in my absence. [...]
If I could make a list of my mistakes and regrets…
Regret eh. They, or rather The Butthole Surfers on the track Sweet Loaf, suggest that it's better to regret something you have done that something you haven't. I've never really thought about that much, until today. Now I'm racked with regret, so much so I could cry. You see I was invited to the MTV [...]
MTV ERMs
There is nothing quite like the mere whiff of celebrity, actual celebrity, to whip the good and not so good citizens of Belfast into a frenzy. And with the MTV EMAs taking place in only a few days in this actual town the place is starting to lose its mind. I don't judge people for [...]
Ronald’s Gonna Get You…
Now I'm all for people defending themselves, especially those who work in hospitality, but this...this a wee touch too much eh? And I'm not joking, this is brutal. Careful now. Can I have a Big Mac and coke, PLEASE? The Daily Mail would call that self defence...well if he was white they would. Have a [...]
The Indie Hollyoaks and other things…
As anybody who works with the great unwashed that make up the general public knows from time to time you have to bite your lip when faced with the tantrums of the holy customer. I too have to adhere to this most basic of rules. I mean I'd be destitute and homeless and relying on [...]
How to confuse and anger you waiter…
There are many many ways to perplex and confuse a waiter. We waiters live in a perfect world (of our own creation) and the slightest thing out-of-place or order can throw us off-balance. Customers switching seats after they have ordered is one. We have plotted where you are sitting or rather where the sea bass [...]
Sad Men Club – Theme Tune
It can't be easy being the sort of business person who has to spend their nights alone in their budget hotel room choosing between the delights of pay-per-view TV, drinking alone or onanism. I assume in the end they just watch a bit of porn whilst drinking the contents of the mini-bar and pushing the [...]
Smoke, Blindfolds & An Army of Manuels? That’ll be Pop-Up Belfast…!
Almost every post I write on WDF is an account of an experience unique to me and maybe a few other people - the protagonist (usually of some sort of ego trip), me (guaranteed to be on an ego trip) my waiter chums, the valiant cooker jockeys in the kitchen and various level of management. [...]
