I am either going to lose all this weight or die not trying.
I'm exhausted today, so if I tell you "I've always hated you and I'm not just saying this because I'm exhausted" it's because I'm exhausted.
Oh yeah? Well I can lose weight, but you'll always be a dressing room mirror.
Chris Christie is really losing weight. Shit, this means I can only do jokes about what an evil corrupt politician he is.