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The Best Lines of the Vice Presidential Debate

Tonight, as I was preparing to watch the vice presidential debate, I unexpectedly fell into a deep slumber. And what, you ask, did I dream? I dreamt of the debate itself—of a debate that, for once, truly mattered. In my dream, Mike Pence, covered in flop sweat, chain smoked cigarettes in angry silence as the moderator asked unanswerable questions. In my dream, Tim Kaine laughed the way your father did before you were born, only to set a harmonica to his lips and play a hopeful song.
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