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Donald Trump Suggests Michelle Fields Actually Battered Him, Lied About Her Bruises

When former Breitbart reporter Michelle Fields first accused Donald Trump's campaign manager of bruising her arm, here's how he responded: "The Secret Service was surrounding everybody, they said nothing happened, everybody said nothing happened — perhaps she made the story up," the GOP front-runner mused. "I think that's what happened."... More »

Secret Service Says Republican Convention Must Be Held in Perilous Gun-Free Zone

This year's Republican National Convention figures to be the most contentious GOP gathering in a generation. The party is sharply divided between those who see Donald Trump as Ronald Reagan, only smuttier, and those who see him as a Mussolini, only more short-fingered. Trump has already predicted that there will... More »

Secret Service Rushes to Protect Trump After Protester Attempts to Climb on Stage at Rally

Several Secret Service agents rushed to protect Donald Trump after a protester at his Dayton, Ohio rally tried to jump on stage next to the candidate. In video taken of the incident, Trump is shown recoiling in shock as something happens behind him and agents quickly ascend to protect him.... More »

Idaho Shooting Suspect Caught at White House Trying to Warn the Country of Oversexed Martians

When U.S. Secret Service agents apprehended Kyle Odom for throwing documents and a flash drive over the White House gates, they had no idea who they had on their hands. Once they ran the 30-year-old Marine veteran’s name, they found that he was the only suspect in the shooting of... More »

Black Students Removed from Trump Rally Over Silent Demonstration

The Trump campaign may seem impervious to controversy, but no candidate wants to spend the day before Super Tuesday answering questions about why they failed to denounce the KKK, and the Secret Service agent who took down a photographer during a Black Lives Matter protest at their event. The controversy... More »

Time Photographer Thrown to Ground and Choked by Secret Service at Trump Rally

A member of the Secret Service detail grabbed Time photographer Christopher Morris by the neck and threw him to the ground at a Donald Trump rally in Virginia, CNN reports. According to Morris, he stepped "18 inches" outside the press pen to a get a better shot, which didn't sit well... More »

Evil Plot to Kidnap Obama Dogs Foiled by Secret Service

Scott Stockert, arguably the most black-hearted villain alive, was arrested Wednesday night for plotting to kidnap the Obamas' two dogs, NBC reports. Stockert was holed up at a Hampton Inn in D.C. when authorities caught up with him, thanks to a tip-off from the Secret Service's Minnesota field office. They arrested... More »

The 5 Most Embarrassing Revelations in the New Report on America’s Awful Secret Service

It’s no secret that the Secret Service has done a poor job of guarding its own reputation. Over the course of the Obama years, the agency has made headlines for frequenting Colombian prostitutes, allowing an armed man with a criminal record to share an elevator with the president, and failing... More »

Secret Service Officer Arrested After Allegedly Sexting an Undercover Cop Posing As a Teen

The Secret Service's past few years of astonishingly bad press continues after an officer was arrested on Monday, CNN reported Thursday. Thirty-seven-year-old Lee Robert Moore was caught allegedly sending naked pictures of himself to an undercover Delaware State Police detective who was posing as a 14-year-old girl. The online messages — which were sometimes... More »

Secret Service to Start Looking After Carson and Trump

The Secret Service will start looking after Donald Trump and Ben Carson early this week, with each of the two leading GOP candidates receiving  "approximately two dozen agents." Newsmax reports that "the agency's decision was primarily triggered by a significant number of threats to Carson," who — by spending late... More »

Secret Service Forced to Apologize Again

On Wednesday, the Secret Service was ridiculed once again after word got out that dozens of agents had accessed the personnel file of a certain House Republican — one who happened to chair the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee that was investigating why the agency was so bad at its... More »

Secret Service Tries to Fix Failures, Creates New Security Breach

11 months agoNews : NYMag: Intelligencer

In a Veep-esque move, the Secret Service just embarrassed itself while attempting to get past its recent spate of embarrassing scandals. The agency began hiring more agents after a fence-jumper managed to make it into the White House last September, and the Washington Post reports that in their rush to... More »

A Dude Tried to Fly a Drone Outside White House (Again)

12 months agoNews : NYMag: Intelligencer

The Secret Service detained a man who seemed to be attempting to fly a drone near the White House on Thursday. This is not the first time this has happened in 2015. Four months ago, an intelligence-agency employee somehow accidentally crashed a drone that he had been flying around his apartment... More »

It Took a Year for the Secret Service to Replace George H.W. Bush’s Ancient Alarm System

The Washington Post reported today that it took the Secret Service more than a year to fix President George H.W. Bush's 20-year-old alarm system in Houston, which stopped working in September 2013. The system wasn't replaced until the end of 2014. The Secret Service added another agent to the former... More »

Secret Service Face Their Most Powerful Enemy Yet: A Toddler

The Secret Service took some time off from drinking and crashing cars yesterday to take on a potent menace: a 4-year-old who had climbed under the White House fence. The Weekly Standard reports the Secret Service suddenly came to life Sunday afternoon when they were alerted to an intrusion, drawing their... More »

Federal Agents Allegedly Stole Bitcoins While Investigating Silk Road Case

Former DEA agent Carl Mark Force IV and former Secret Service agent Shaun Bridges are being charged with allegedly stealing Bitcoins while investigating the cryptocurrency for the case that brought down Silk Road, the Deep Web black market. According to the Times, Force deposited the Bitcoins found in the process... More »

Secret Service Accidentally Conveniently Destroys Tapes of Allegedly Drunken Crash

This week members of Congress watched two inconclusive surveillance videos of two possibly drunk Secret Service agents crashing into a White House barricade earlier this month, but Secret Service Director Joseph Clancy said there's no other footage because it's their policy to destroy the tapes after 72 hours. "That doesn't... More »

After Experimenting With Feces, Man Mails Cyanide to White House

Today in threats to the president's residence not caused by the Secret Service, cyanide was found in an envelope addressed to the White House. Agency spokesman Robert Hoback said the envelope, which arrived in a screening facility this week, initially tested negative for biological agents, but on Tuesday returned a... More »

Secret Service Wants to Practice Saving President Obama at a Fake White House

When the Secret Service practices saving President Obama they have to rely on "a rudimentary, not-to-scale simulation of the north grounds of the White House, using bike barricades to act as the fencing,” according to Joseph Clancy, the agency's director.  It apparently hasn't worked well, so the Secret Service is... More »

Possibly Drunk Secret Service Agents Drove Through an Active Bomb Investigation

We once thought that rouge Secret Service agents only existed in dumb action movies, but now we have to consider the possibility that someone is trying to take down the agency from the inside. That's the only explanation for the latest White House security breach, which is somehow even worse... More »

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